If you’re a foreigner seriously looking for a future Brazilian partner, there are a few things you might want to know about dating Brazilians BEFORE you meet one!
A few weeks ago I asked some of my foreign friends for some of their stories on the subject, and with their permission, I’ve rewritten some of these (and included one of my own)!
So What You’re Saying Is…
My friend was at a party not long after arriving in Brazil, where she found herself talking to a handsome Brazilian guy. Their fifteen minute chat was interrupted when he told her he was about to leave with friends. However before he left, he uttered the most beautiful sentence she’d ever heard in her life: “Let’s hang out again sometime!”
It was only after he’d gone that she realised they hadn’t swapped details. She was kicking herself; and she suspected he must have been feeling the same too. After all, he’d seemed so engrossed in her drunken stories about her time in Brazil that he MUST simply have forgotten to get her number, right?
Well….probably not! You see, what Brazilians say and what they mean are not always the same thing! ‘Let’s meet again’ in Brazil isn’t always an indication that someone wants to see you again; as it can also mean ‘I’m going to sound polite as I’m leaving a party, goodbye!’ When making plans with a Brazilian, a foreigner should also be aware that that the word ‘no’ is rarely used (for more on that, click here for a blog post on this subject). Refusing something straight up is a little too direct over here, so it’s not unusual for a Brazilian to say ‘yes’ to meeting up, only to try to wriggle out of it later.
(Don’t) Mind the Clock
I was sat in a bar in São Paulo waiting for my date to arrive, but I was becoming concerned as I’d already been waiting 15 minutes. Fearing I was about to be stood up, I called to check everything was OK.
“I’m just arriving” I was assured. “I’ll be there in 5 minutes”.
I spent the next five minutes staring at the door waiting for them to ‘just arrive’. Five minutes turned into ten, and ten quickly rolled into fifteen. The whole time I was sat staring intently at this door expecting my date to be just seconds away from walking through it!
“Sorry I’m a little late” was the apology I was eventually greeted with.
“Were you really here at exactly 9pm?”
“You are so punctual Andrew. I forgot you work on British time!”
“I’m just arriving” is another example of a Brazilian saying one thing but really meaning another. I actually know one girl who will say this moments before she steps into the shower! Brazilians tend to be fairly laid back about the time they will meet socially; in fact, if you arrive at a Brazilian party on time it can sometimes be considered rude! In large Brazilian cities where being stuck in traffic is VERY common, this often interferes with arriving anywhere at the agreed time. So you should do your best not to be too annoyed if your date arrives late!
There are three of us in this relationship
“Who is the most trustworthy person in your life?” I asked my student in the middle of our English class. Without so much as pausing for thought, he replied, “My mother.”
“Your mother?” I asked a little melodramatically. “But you’re married, right?” I asked, suspecting that he must have somehow overlooked this small detail.
“Well, isn’t your wife the most trustworthy person in your life?” At that my student’s face crumpled into an expression of exquisite confusion; as if I’d just asked him to explain something obvious, like who Pele is!
“No” he affirmed a little louder, “it’s my mother!”
I’ve since had similar conversations with other students who’ve given me the same answer. For many men here their mother is ‘Queen Bee’, so getting my friends to go out the Saturday night before Mother’s Day is almost impossible. Very few guys on this sacred day would dare greet the family matriarch with a stonking hangover. If you’re dating a Brazilian, you should prepare to spend a lot of time with your other half’s mother come the weekend, being around family generally seems to be much more important than it is back home!
Not only this, but many Brazilians live with their families until they’re in their late twenties / until they get married to (here is a link to something I wrote about this). So before you invite yourself round to your new Brazilian boyfriend or girlfriend’s house, it is worth considering that you could be inviting yourself round to meet ‘mama’ for the first time too!
Wait…Have I Missed Something?
After walking for a good twenty minutes under the intense summer sun, my friend and his girlfriend finally arrived at her boss’ house for a party. Everyone got up from their seats to welcome them, greeting them with an obligatory introductory hug.
“Hey everyone, let me introduce you to my husband!” announced my friend’s girlfriend.
They’d been together for about 8 months at this point, had just moved in together and were getting on great. But marriage had never even been discussed. So to introduce him in this way was, well…unexpected!
So he looked over at her, fully expecting to see a smile, a grin…anything, to let him know that the ‘husband’ remark had been meant as a joke. But there was nothing. NADA!
About half an hour later he pulled his now-ex girlfriend over to one side and asked what was going on. ”We’re not married” he half-jokingly quipped, but with an air of forcefulness that left her in little doubt as to how serious he was being. ” So why didn’t you just introduce me by my name?”
“Relax” was the startled response he was greeted with (a response that really did little to ease his anxiety).
“Here in Brazil people sometimes say they are married when they live together, you don’t need to have a wedding to be married!” The Brazilians I’ve talked to have since confirmed this. Couples who live together for a certain period of time often enter into a common law, so it’s not unusual for them to introduce themselves as married couples despite the fact they might not really be married.
So if you find yourself in Brazil dating a Brazilian, you too might find you’re married one afternoon…when you’re least expecting it!
And here is a bonus point from www.brazilamo.com!
Food, Glorious food!
As Portuguese guy living in Brazil, I would say that one of the things you should be worried about is…wait for it…getting FAT! Yes, this is true story! I met my wife Paula using a dating site and I have to admit that she cooks extremely well!
Although I am from Portugal and am familiar with “Feijoada” (a typical dish in Portugal and former Portuguese colonies like Brazil), I love the Brazilian way to make it. Another of my favourite dishes my wife makes is “Moqueca,” a kind of a seafood stew.
We have fish stew in Portugal but the way Brazilians make it will make you cry for more! It is very easy to gain 7 Kg from this dish alone…this was definitely my case! No joke! So when you are with a Brazilian woman, you can expect good food!
Being with a Brazilian in this wonderful country also has other obvious advantages, like fun (Brazilians by nature are really lovable people), caipirinhas (they are the best drink!) and the sun. Life is never dull with a Brazilin partner by your side!
To find out how you can be matched with a beautiful Brazilian woman, click here: dating sites
Have you ever dated a Brazilian? Can you relate to any of these stories? Are you a Brazilian who has had an interesting experience dating a foreigner?